Sheer Confusion
by Magdelope
Summary: Morrigan's point of view. Femslash. Morrigan/Leliana. How could I have done anything other than recoil in horror at the feeling of your wondrous poisonous lips against mine? 'Twas my fault; I initiated the kiss, but what in the world could have compelled you to kiss me back? I will regret this.


**Sheer confusion**

_How could I have done anything other than recoil in horror at the feeling of your wondrous poisonous lips against mine? 'Twas my fault; I initiated the kiss, but what in the world could have compelled you to kiss me back? I will regret this._

The next day I flee to the woods. I need to make my thoughts my own again. I change into my wolf form and run through the forest. It isn't my forest, of course, but wolves don't need familiarity. Among the trees my wolf is home, and inside my wolf so am I. My wolf's thoughts are simple. Eat. Sleep. Kill. My wolf's snout doesn't long for kisses, my paws don't crave another's touch and my mind is silent. When I breathe the air is clean, no sweet perfume that complicates everything. I take deep breaths, clinging to the scent of earth, trees and rotting leaves. I continue walking, taking deep whiffs; hoping to catch the scent of prey. My furry ears twitch at the sudden sound of water, and playing with the thought of taking a bath I carry on. Trotting towards the sound, towards the beckoning water. Just the thought of sinking my body into it, causes my fur to hum with anticipation. I can smell the water now and I'm about to change back into my human form when I catch another scent. _Lilies and what I am guessing is some form of expensive Orlesian perfume. _Inwards I curse but I cannot stop myself from continuing walking forward. _Two parts foolishness and one part curiosity. _I peek out of the bushes, watching you with my wolf eyes.

Your hair is wet, clinging to your skin. Your eyes are closed and the look on your face is peaceful. You take the soap and as you start washing yourself I watch you, mesmerized. I cannot look away. My wolf heart is beating so fast and I have to admit to myself that wolves need more than just to eat, sleep and hunt. I change back to my human form, but it is against my will and I don't even notice until I feel the earth under my bare hands and feet.

_ Thud, thud, thud, thud. _My heart is all I can hear. And _you,_ you don't even notice. Your eyes are still closed and you are clearly enjoying your bath. The water is probably warm.

What am I feeling? I honestly do not know. 'Tis a mystery to me. I want to recoil and run, like I did after our kiss, but I cannot. I'm petrified at the sight of you. I cannot leave. I want to scratch my eyes out.

You stand up, finished with your bath. Your movements causes me to panic. No, don't go! I haven't decided if I'm enjoying this or not yet. _I need more time._

I do the only thing I can think of. Without a word I exit my safe spot behind the bushes, throw my clothes aside and slip into the water. I look down the entire time, not daring to see if you are looking at me or not. I also do not want to see if there is horror in your eyes. _There probably is._

The water is too cold for my taste, creating goose bumps on my arms and legs. How you could have stayed warm in the water for so long is beyond me. But I am not some silly bard. I am a witch of the wilds and it takes just a few words from me and the water is at a tolerable temperature.

I eventually dare to look up and see your wondering eyes. You seem surprised at my behavior and unsure what to do. But then again, so am I. 'Tis not usual for me to act this way. I'm the foolish one this time. I'm regretting my actions now, you're still just looking at me. _Such a stupid look on your face._

Your mouth twitches.

"Morrigan, I…" _No, don't talk. Your voice is soothing but if I let you talk I will remember who you are. I will remember who I am. _I shake my head violently. Your eyes search mine but I look away again. I look down hoping that you are not so stupid that you will not understand what I want from you. _I am not disappointed._

You let go of the towel that you had been holding and enter the water again. I'm still not looking at you but in the corner of my eye I can see how you move slowly towards me. I can almost smell your insecurity.

I still do not dare to look up at you because if I do I'm not sure what will happen. You stop, barely inches away from me. Your breathing is strained and irregular but my mind dare not investigate why this would be. _You cannot feel the same way I do, there is no way._

I listen to see if my breathing sounds like yours, but I notice that I'm not breathing at all. I don't know how long I have been holding my breath. Everything slows down as you lean towards me. Without my permission my heart speeds up, remembering how your lips felt against mine. My body does not agree with the logic of my head.

"Selfish bitch," I mutter; I don't know if I mean you or me. You stop your movement, your face so close to mine. I want to hurt you. Slap you. You start retreating.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no._

I grab your shoulders and pull your body against mine.


End file.
